SATIRE: Meet the Sharmas

Author : Kunal Karanjkar
Rohit Sharma and Ishant Sharma

Rohit Sharma and Ishant Sharma

This is a story of 2 boys. One is tall and lanky. Other one is stout and lazy. They are supposed to be the luckiest people in this country. They say we should ‘Grab the opportunities with both the hands’.

Well, the number of opportunities given to these two exceeds their overall bowling averages by a good margin. Yes, you as a reader are thinking right. We are talking about none other than Rohit Sharma and Ishant Sharma! The two icons of the Men in Blue.

Our News Reporter caught up with them during an exclusive interview in a hope that it reaches the same level as the RaGa Interview. We have even tried our very best to reach to the same laughter quotient. We have also created a hashtag (#MeettheSharmas) where you can tweet your thoughts. The full interview is as follows:

News Reporter: So good to meet you Ishant and Rohit, how are you doing??

Rohit: (his talking is as slow as his footwork) Well, thanks a lot but BCCI hasn’t allowed us to give an interview on our own. Has it Inu (speaking to Ishant)??

Ishant: Come on Rohit, it’s not a big deal. We make a fool of ourselves anyways everyday (Chuckles)

N: People have that in mind for quite a long time now, how have you manage to be in Dhoni’s good books for all this time??

R: Well to tell you the Truth, I have this natural charm and I could impress anyone with that. Quite honestly, Dhoni isn’t the only one who considers me a good player. Ravi Shatriji has been saying it for quite a while now. I just need to apply myself better. Sometimes it happens and most often it doesn’t. I think my charm has worked a bit on Sachin paji as well. Because even I don’t think I can beat his records, I would say I can’t even beat Dinesh Karthik’s record for that matter!

N: And what about you, Ishant??

I: (laughs hard) Well I would take an example to explain that. I am in the same position as India’s PM Manmohan Singhji! I mean I am the punch bag. Dhoni needs me in the team. There must be someone on whom you can put all the blame for the loss isn’t it? And as I am the ‘Spearhead’ of the bowling attack, I have to be the one who takes the blame. So my role in the team is very crucial.

N: I was about to come on that. What do you think your roles are in the team?

R: (sounding a bit agitated now) Well, what if I ask you the same question! To know what my role is, you need to know how Rohit Sharma thinks!

N: I thought I have heard that line before!

I: I would explain. Actually Rohit gets out and comes back to the dressing room early. So eventually his role in the match is officially over. So he has been following politics off late and tried to take a leaf out of the book of Rahulji! Good one Rohit!

N: Well, that explains your role very well. And what about you Ishant?

I: I thought I explained my role to you very well, duh! Besides that I also give head massage to Virat at times. That hot head needs to be in a cool state for him to perform well so that we lose with some dignity.

N: Ohkk..so Rohit what happened? You were going through a dream phase in India. What about this sudden change of form?? You were playing short ball well in India?

R: (clearly frustrated now) I think this is totally unfair! I atleast make 50 once in a while. You don’t ask Raina anything. I think this is all paid media of CSK! IPL aane do, fir dikhata hu tumhe! IPL me mera form kabhi kharab nahi hota.

I: (calming down Rohit) Chill Rohit bhai! I am sure Nita ji would have by now decided to take Corey Anderson in the Mumbai Indians lineup. I hope some team selects me. Rohit I’ll give you a head massage as well if you make sure I am selected in Mumbai lineup.

R: (snorting) Inu, I think I would love to retain the trophy so not happening bro.

N: So, before we wrap up. One question which has been troubling me quite a long time now. Are you two related in any way??

At this both of them started laughing and Ishant answered.

I: To be honest, the way we perform and the way our luck has helped us reach this far, 50 odd test matches for me and more than 100 ODIs for Rohit, I think we have some long lost relation else shayad pichle janam ke bhai honge hum. I sometimes think I am related to Kapil Sharma as well because I am equally funny on the field. (winks Ishant)

N: On that note, I would wrap up. Thanks a lot for taking out the time for an interview.

Rohit and Ishant: Well, our plan was to go to bungee jumping in Wellington now that the series is a dead rubber but still our pleasure.

Disclaimer: This article is a work of fiction, and should not be taken seriously.

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