Marriages often scare us. Especially, if you opt for arranged marriage, the whole journey of finding the right one can be a daunting task. For instance, if the first meeting questions are not framed sensitively, you may be shown the door much before you say the word ‘marriage’.
Talking about the questions, well, it is not that sensitivity should be displayed from the boy’s end alone. It is equally the girl’s responsibility to ask the right set of questions to avoid embarrassment for both the parties involved. Here are the 5 questions not to ask a guy in your first meeting in an arranged marriage set-up.
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Do you plan to live separately after marriage?
Most of the girls from nuclear families, wish to have a family structure, similar to what they have seen. Well, we are not asking you to change your preferences and compromise! However, no matter how rational your reasons may be, just, avoid it. Asking this question on the very first meeting might make you come across as a 'negative' person. There are many indirect ways to know his preferences. So, just avoid it, to save yourself from being tagged as a 'home-breaker’!
By the way, how much do you earn both, net and gross?
Bank balance is important, but asking the bank details directly in the first meeting is outright insulting and offensive. A question like,‘what are your future career plans?’ can also give you a better insight of his professional front and your future stability with him. His salary is something that you will eventually learn about, so try to avoid asking it at the first go.
So, how many girlfriends did you have?
Like you, your prospective groom may also have a past. But, not many will like to be questioned much about it, forget sharing the details. So, try to control the itch. Do not go overboard by asking intimate details about his past-flings, unless he himself is enterprising enough to tell the tale.
Are you a virgin?
Well, indeed a million dollar question, but not the right moment to blurt it out! Control your horses! Remember, this is not a messenger-chat, where you can ask anything to a stranger and get away with it. You are sitting in front of a person whose temperament and nature you hardly know. Just like girls, even boys find such questions as an attack on their self-esteem. Moreover, if he pops it back on you, it has the calibre to make you uncomfortable as well. But, yes, you must insist on a pre-marital medical check-up after the things are finalised and you are all set to marry him.
Let's go out!
No matter how liberal and broad-minded men claim to be, they will never appreciate women popping the question of going out on the first meeting itself. Especially, in an arranged marriage scenario, you tend to judge the person based on their initial behaviour. So, there are bright chances of him thinking you as too 'fast'. Simply, stick to the conservative norms and let him take the lead (at least on this matter!) and not vice versa.
How do you find me?
You may get either a frank reply or an absolute lie, which might put you on cloud nine or leave you with a blank face. Hence, in order to save yourself from embarrassment, skip the question. Whether he likes you or not shall be eventually disclosed in due course of time. Moreover, in an arranged marriage, boy’s consent alone does not matter; there is the ‘family’ parameter to deal with as well.
Remember some 'Golden Rules'
The entire process of finding your 'Mr. right', can itself be an enriching and memorable journey. So, try to keep it simple and uncomplicated.
Of course, questions like his financial stability and knowing your compatabilty with him are very important. But yes, saying the right thing at the right time is equally important. Keep certain things on hold for the first meeting. Try to know him as a person, his dislikes and likes, his goals in life, etc. This would break the ice and clear the ground for a stronger relationship in future.