There are so many love stories we grow up hearing. Fairy tales as we call them set in the perfect backdrop of a fantasy world. What stick with us over the years are those perfect moments and what we somewhere overlook is that life is not a fantasy and the real world is imperfect.
Most of us would not know exactly why we fell in love and similarly would not know how or when our train of love began to derail. In retrospect everything seems amiss but chances are that you might be able to bring everything back on track if only you quizzed yourself on the following things-
1. Are you constantly comparing?
Has the love in your life lost the luster it once had? Are you constantly comparing how things used to be or how others are so merrily in love and you don’t feel the zing anymore? If you want to really compare, give yourself a levelled playing field. You must realise that nobody’s relationship ever stays the same over the years. People newly in love may look like they can’t get their hands off each other but that is not because their love is true and yours has faded. It is simply because you have lived that phase and now you enjoy the togetherness for which others are just building a foundation to reach.
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One doesn’t need to be an expert to advise you to never expect too much. Look for joy in small gestures. If you used to get flowers on Valentine ’s Day every year and now you have to throw a fit to get your partner to even realise that the V-day is coming, then this certainly is not a big issue. Most couples probably never enjoyed the V-day ritual that you so happily did for long. You may have now come to a phase where everything is just thought of as implied. Relationship is not a job and you are not your partner’s boss, there is no reason why keeping you pleased should become a duty.
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3. Not expressing true feelings
Certainly when you are in love, you will expect. It is easier said than done to have no desires at all. What is actually meant by do not expect is not that you must give up all hope of improvement but instead ask for it, talk about it, and express your feelings! Don’t keep vying for special moments in life, just pick a day and rekindle love by going out on a candle light dinner. Don’t expect it to happen; plan it together.
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4. Shift in priorities
In every relationship there is one person who will always think love never changes, while the other one will say, love is same but requirements change. Let’s rather think that it is neither the change in love nor priority; just a remodelled situation.
Here is an example: Observe how if you take an ice candy out of the cold storage for a while and put it back when it has melted to freeze it again. You will see while everything else will remain same, the shape will change. Ask yourself, is the ice candy really not good enough anymore? Or is it just that it is perhaps no longer perfectly sitting on the stick at the center, but even then tastes exactly the same.
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5. Too many quarrels
When we say “we accept the love we think we deserve”, somewhere we claim love as a matter of right. We start believing that our sacrifice is matchless. Our taking out time for our partner better be rewarded because we have earned it by selflessly doing everything that was not even asked of us. Now is this really selfless and unconditional love? If deep down all you want is for your partner to worship you because you go to the world’s extreme for them, then you must make a conscious effort to not think that way. You will only feel unhappy all the time and just drive your partner away by giving him/her the sense of failure in fulfilling your demands.
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Have faith in the loving times you have spent together. Love is a divine energy and scientifically speaking, energy only changes form and can never be destroyed.