10 more things Tendulkar apologists love to say

[LINKBAIT] We're back to what we do best - trolling all ye faithful.


The article 10 Things Tendulkar’s Apologists Love To Say has caused hundreds of Sachintards to have hundreds of simultaneous Sachingasms, hence producing much material for the sequel of the said column. So we’re back to what we do best — troll Tendulkar worshippers and get them jumping up and down.
 
Read on:
 
Why are you after Tendulkar?
 
I am not “after” Tendulkar. I’m merely pointing to facts of his dwindling form — irrefutable, empirical, verifiable and lab-tested facts. If someone points to the fact that the Earth is round, would a Sachintard respond by asking: “Why are you after the Earth?”
 
Why don’t you instead report on corrupt governments, coal mafia and my awful neighbour who can’t stop playing Himesh Reshammiya songs?
 
This is a cricket website. The singular job of a cricket website is to report on cricket and cricketers. If you want to read about Manmohan Singh’s alleged misdoings, head over to Yahoo! News. But I know you’re actually here for Kim Kardashian’s bikini photos, so why don’t to go to OMG India, get your eyeful and calm down?
 
Writing negative articles about Tendulkar is just a publicity stunt to gain TRP for your website.
 
Firstly, just like you don’t measure distances in kilograms, you don’t measure a website’s popularity in Television Rating Points. The appropriate measurement here is PVs — page views. Secondly, why do Sachintards think a negative article alone is “a publicity stunt”? Wouldn’t a positive article be also “a publicity stunt”? Oh no, but that is “balanced, logical, objective journalism,” no? Alright, so next time I’ll write an article simply saying “Sachin is god in human form” and wait for the inevitable Pulitzer Prize to fall in my lap.
 
You will start praising Tendulkar once he makes runs. What a hypocrite. Thoo.
 
OK, enough with the mocking. Here’s a serious thought. Anybody who bats up the order ought to make big runs. Because that is the job of a top-order batsman. You can push Venkatpathy Raju to open your innings, and sooner or later he will find a way to make a century. What matters is the time he will take to make his next century. Which brings us to the pertinent question: how many innings has it been since Tendulkar made a hundred against a top-class opposition? Sure, he may get a hundred tomorrow. But then, how long are you prepared to wait till he gets another hundred? At his peak, Tendulkar could score hundreds every day of the week. But that was a long time ago.

He should play one international match with his son Arjun and then retire.

Seriously, now dude. What have you been smoking? (Can I bum some off you and cohabit the same dreamy universe?)
 
People who criticise Tendulkar are jealous of him.
 
Hey, you criticised Manmohan and Sonia too! Does that mean you are you jealous of Manmohan and Sonia? I know what you’ll say next: “It’s not the same thing!” But it is.
 
How dare point your finger at Tendulkar. What have you done for the nation?
 
I've done all the same things as Tendulkar: get up every morning, go to work, accept the torture of the workload, feed my family, help a friend, mind my own business and pay my taxes. Melt your heart, did I?
 
So Tendulkar has been crap since the World Cup. What have the other players done?
 
Every Indian cricketer that has been crap since the World Cup has been dropped from the team, or has retired. All except one.
 
Those who criticise Tendulkar have no knowledge, no logic, no sense.
 
Arguing facts and logic with Sachintards is like playing chess with a pigeon: no matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock down the pieces, take a dump on the chessboard and walk around like it is victorious. So let’s call it a day.
 
Who is writing these articles? What is your name? Idiot. I keel you! I keel your family!

Haw haw haw!

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